Bottoms up, those little yellow pills, and the burning fire... (Part 2)

Those little yellow pills.

I have to make a good impression...I have to be everything they want. I've tried everything..and my friends...my friends wouldn't understand. I keep telling myself that, only I know it's not true, which makes me feel worse. I can't help but want to be different than who really am. No one likes the real me, so why can't I change that? I heard about these little yellow pills. They're supposed to make everything better...are they worth it? It has to be better than self-medicating with the warm liquid, though I'm sure not as fun. A week later and they're in my pocket. Take one with each meal. A week later and I need more. More, more, more. Never hungry, ever.they've become my meals. They've become my sanity. The one thing besides late-night dry king that I get to look forward to in a day. Plus with these, I can take them to school without getting into heaps of trouble. Not that anyone would search me for anything. I'm a "good girl".

Bottoms up, those little yellow pills, and the burning fire...(Part 1)

Bottoms up.

That memory hit me hard this time. It's unexpected and the tears quickly build up to a Hollywood flood. Those scars start to hurt all over again, just when I thought they've healed. I stumbled into the kitchen...time for drastic measures. This always worked for mother...so it should work for me. It's warm...oh it's utterly disgusting. The bitter taste that consumes my mouth slowly works it's way down my throat, and I cringe. But oh wait...there's a warm feeling flowing through my body. Is this what relief is supposed to feel like? Can I keep this forever? Is that asking too much of the universe, just to let me have this moment for myself. Of course it is. But for now, while that liquid gold runs through my veins, I'll keep that smile that every one wants to see. Even shallow glee is better than deep depression.

For all the times I didn't want to offend....

Fuck you.

You've made me pessimistic,
Realistic,
Shut me down,
Don't try to fix it.

I'm going mad,
You haven't had
Any hell like me before.

You whisper behind my back
And as a matter of fact,
You're the reason I find my smile hard to come.

So just shut up,
I hear your gossip,
Leave me be,
And grow up.

Fuck you.

Not Much Fun For Little Harpo

I was watching Finding Nemo today, and I remembered how much I love little kids movies. And how amazing the themes are. Letting go is the hardest thing for a parent, or anyone, to do. But you just have to trust that you have raised them to make good decisions. Finding Nemo is all about the unfailing love that parents have for their children, going to the ends of the earth for them. Marlin puts that to literal terms when he searches over miles and miles of dangerous ocean to find Nemo, his son that was captured by a diver while disobeying his father. Adventures with sharks, jellyfish and sea turtles never slow him down from his mission.

Woah, I feel like a real movie critique. There's a bunch more I could write about Finding Nemo, but I don't really know how to put it all into words. It's all ideas in my head that never seem to get out...oh well. xD

If you have about 4 extra minutes on the computer, check out this song. I'm almost positive that you'll love it."Any Other Name" by Thomas Newman

^^It's worth it the wait for buffering.. xD

Lazy as a Cat

Today is Sunday. I woke up, expecting to be bombarded with streams of light, only to find it was still fairly dark. Apparently my biological alarm clock thought it was a school day once again, waking me up at 6:30 am. If only it had been this acurate during the school year. I eventually went back to sleep, and then woke up again at 11. The only thing I've accomplished today: getting further on my character chart for Roman, and getting my medical information for a camp I'm going to in July. (In New York!!)

It seems that no one wants to talk to me today...I don't know what I did, but I feel like there's an 'I hate Mal' vibe going around the world right now. I texted about 3 or 4 people multiple times, getting no responce. Then I facebook chatted an online friend who has yet to answer me. I even called a friend to see if she was coming camping with me this week. No answer.

This is a shitty way to tell someone they aren't wanted.

In other news...I got a tumblr. I decided to just check it out for a while, to see why my friend likes it better than she does blogger. *insert surprised gasp here* It's okay...but I'm really just not in the mood to be writing witty posts. I already had someone ask me a question though, which was cool.

"You say that you beleieve humans lose their 'humanity' under stressful situations. Do you think that in a worldwide disaster, people will ignore their human compassion and merely do whatever it takes to survive?"

My answer as follows:
"Well, that’s a tough question, that I think no one can answer to a full extent. Generally speaking, people have the natural instinct to survive. However, there is an opinion that humans are like bees in a sense. Doing whatever it takes to protect the most important member, being the queen bee. But the question is, who is the ‘queen bee’ of the human race. Some say it’s the highest ranking politition, but I disagree. I think that we all have a ‘queen bee’ in our lives, that we would do anything for. Since like bees, there are many different ‘societies’ of humans. Different communities have different bees, that are all equally important. Going back to the original question, I think that in a disaterous situation like that, people will do what ever it takes to have their ‘queen bee’ survive."

I think that I might have been a little too..not optimistic, but too hopefull that the human race would give up their selfish ways for the good of someone else. And, we would have to understand who is important enough to die for. Bees, they have instinct and orders. Humans rely too much on emotion and conflictions to really get anything done. But without our emotions, there would be no humanity, therefore nothing to protect.

I guess you could call me a pessimist, but I just consider myself a realist. Someone who, not only sees the world in reality, but also tries to understand it.

Woah, what a change from talking about waking up at 6:30am, to talking about bees and humanity in despair. Never a dull moment in my mind. ;D

Young Revolutions

It’s time to stand up, cry as children would
The sky is the limit, to reach our goal
To dream the dreams our parents never could
Losing is not an option, take control
This is the time to stand up, raise your flag
Make yourself known, get your name out there
Hustle now, we can’t have any more lag
Change all judgments, making it fair
Hear our battle song and prepare. We’re here
Our young generation’s courage takes hold
There’s a new revolution drawing near
Children are leading, time to break the mold
This can’t be over, we are more. We’re more.
This isn’t over, time to go to war.

Facebook Quiz

I took this quiz on facebook about what your birth month says about you...it was spot on. Like...scary acurate. These are all of the things it said I was:

1. Thinks far with vision
2. Easily influenced by kindness
3. Polite and soft-spoken
4. Having lots of ideas
5. Sensitive
6. Active mind
7. Hesitating
8. Tends to delay
9. Choosy and always wants the best
10. Temperamental
11. Funny and humorous
12. Loves to joke
13. Good debating skills
14. Talkative
15. Daydreamer
16. Friendly
17. Knows how to make friends
18. Abiding
19. Able to show character
20. Easily hurt
21. Very Clumsy
22. Loves to dress up
23. Easily bored
24. Fussy
25. Seldom show emotions
26. Takes time to recover when hurt.

And I decided not to post my dream. I figured if I can't even tell my best friend, then I can't tell the rest of the world. (Or the people who read my blog.)