This actually has nothing at all to do with literature, but only something that ruined my whole week. One of my favorite bands, Bless You Boys, will no longer be together after this Friday. And what's worse...I won't be able to see their last concert because it's 17+ only. This makes me very, VERY sad. It literally ruined my whole week. I might be melodramatic with this, but I don't care anymore. This just adds to my even worse day that I had today, and I'm sick of people telling me to get over myself. I have so much SHIT to deal with right now, that frankly, I'm not in the mood to have people in my face telling me what a good life I have. I understand that I'm privileged, but nothing that good ever felt so...bad.
My grandfather's in the hospital, and soon I'll probably have to say my last goodbye to the once smiling old man.
My father grounds me when I don't clean my room, my mother drinks herself to sleep.
I'm pretty sure that my cat hates me.
I'm so depressed right now, I can't think straight half the time.
My friends load everything on me, and then have the nerve to tell me that I should shut my mouth and stop complaining. [Not you Addy, don't worry]
I have so much homework every night, it's a miracle that I can even get at least an hour worth of sleep in.
And I guess Bless You Boys was just the last straw.
I'm tired of all the drama of high school.
I'm tired of all the drama of life.
I am tired.
I feel like a drone, just doing what I'm supposed to do. With a stupid fake smile on my face that probably wont last much more of this.
I want to crawl into my bed and just lay there forever.
Ok, if you're reading this, you must think I'm a selfish, bitter person who hates the world. I'm not, and I can tell you honestly that I very much like living, and I plan to keep living for a very long time. This is not some stupid suicide thing, and if you know me, you would laugh at the very thought of me trying to kill myself. This is just me getting out what I've been holding in for a while now. Don't be alarmed, and what ever you do; don't call anyone saying that I need help. That would not go over well with...anyone.
4 comments:
OH MALZY!!!!! -hugs super tight-
Honey, I had no idea about BYB. Wow, I know how much you love them, and that SUCKS. I'm so sorry.
But I am totally with you about all the stress and stuff at school. And the people telling you to get over yourself...jeeze, I'll smack 'em upside the head for you. You know I'd do that for you, right? Cuz I totally would.
I'm so incredible sorry about everything else, too. I would shield you from all the pain if only I knew how. You mean so much, Mal, and I just want you to know that.
And I think your cat just hates everyone. xD
Totally understand the friends bit too. It's like, *they're* allowed to have all this crap and unload onto you, but as soon as you need that comfort, off they go about how you never shut your mouth.
But all of this is why we're writers, Mal. Because of that need to escape outside of ourselves sometimes. It's the only way to keep sane.
Just...call me whenever, k? I'm here whenever, where ever, however, which ever and all those other 'ever's I forgot. :D
xoxo
addy
I can totally relate to missing out on one of your favorite bands. I get beyond bummed if one of my most listened to tuners comes around my area and its a 21+ show. Lame.
You don't sound selfish or bitter at all@ Life can become overwhelming for everyone at one time or another. To me it feels overwhelming most of the time actually.
I'm so sorry about your grandfather. I know how hard that can be.
Sometimes its nice to let you worries on the world and not be seen as selfish; I don't see you as selfish at all.
Thankyou for the follow ♥
Thanks Addy, I appreciate your friendship. And I can't wait until Saturday!
I really feel a lot better just getting this out. :]
Thanks Kait and OhLove too. :]
I'm almost glad to know that I'm not alone.
<.mal;3
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