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Friday, January 15, 2010

Love is Finally Explained

I went to bed last night not feeling particularly well. After tossing and turning for about 2 hours, I finally fell asleep.

It was summer again, the sun felt so good on my face. Today was my friend's birthday, someone that I barely knew. There was a man, he looked like a young Johnny Depp.(I was extremely excited about this). So, when I saw him, I couldn't breathe basically. My heart beat so fast that I thought it would pop out of my chest and run a marathon. The butterflies in my stomach made me feel like I was flying and when I looked into his hazel eyes, I could swear I saw the most beautiful things in life looking back. I knew that I was in love with him. Oh, with all my heart I knew. It was the best feeling I've ever had, knowing I loved someone. But when I looked into those eyes, they didn't reflect the adoration that mine held. The day of my friend's birthday party, he leaned down really close to my face. I knew that he was going to kiss me, so I closed my eyes. Suddenly he stoped, a few inches from my face. After a moment which seemed like a lifetime, I opened my eyes to find his beautiful hazel eyes looking at me intently, his mouth still slightly open. I was confused as to what he was thinking, but then he smiled and leaned back. Disappointed, I leaned back as well and looked away. He gave a short chuckle and crossed his arms.

"I'm going to find out the reason that you love me." Were the only words he said. Speechless, I was hurt by the implication that there was an explainable reason for my love, and even more hurt that he thought it could be cured.


((Here's where the dream gets kinda weird...))

After sitting there for some time, he got up and I stood as well. Then, we travelled back into my memory, looking for the answer for my love. I was so confused and I really didn't think that there would be the answer he was looking for. Then, we apparently stopped in one of my memories as a kid. Kids were making fun of me for some reason that I still don't know. But, he was the only kid that wasn't laughing at me. Then, he smiled like he had figured out the root 'problem' and we were back in the present.

"There, I told you there was a reason. You love me because I was the only one nice to you." After he said this, I just stared at him for a long time with a confused look on my face. I was so hurt, because I really did think I still loved him. I didn't want to believe that was the reason that he was amazing in my eyes, but I couldn't help admitting to myself that it was a very convincing argument.




I woke up feeling hurt, empty and confused. And now that I'm awake, I'd rather be asleep. Dreaming about the man I loved, even if he didn't love me back. It was the best feeling in the world, being in love. Even if it never happens in real life, I'll always have that dream to remember what it feels like. And even today, I keep thinking about how everything all made sense. The sequences, the explainations and the love. And I will never again look at Johnny Depp the same way again.

2 comments:

addy owl said...

Now I really feel like watching Edward Scissorhands. What say you?

I wish you could find this man, Mal, I really do. He sounds perfect for you - even the taunting is something I think you would learn to love. Here's to hoping he's real, and that you find him sooner rather than later.

love,
addy

☼dora♥ said...

I definitely think a Johnny Depp marathon would do us both good. :D

And I think that was the awesomest comment I've ever recieved from someone. Seriously, you made my day.

I hope he's real too. But even if he's not, then I still have the memory.

-greg(M)