I just don't get it...
When I'm finally willing to talk to someone, there's no one there to listen. And when everything is just fine, it seems like everyone wants to 'try to help' me. If you really want to fucking help, you'd be there when I really need you.
Ugh, I'm sorry...I'm not exactly sure why I'm apologizing, but then again, I'm not really sure about anything anymore. I've been so..angry lately. Agitated at everyone who breathes basically. Thinking about stupid, pointless ways to make the pain go away. Asking myself why I'm never really hungry anymore..
All of these things I need to TALK about, but no one seems to care. I feel selfish when I ask, because I know that they have their own stuff to work on..
The uncertainty is just killing me. The silence eating me up inside.
It's getting to a point where I almost started to break down and cry in math class during our test. I've never been pushed over the edge that far, and I never want to go back. Not even seeing my friends in English could cheer me up. Sure I conversed with them, I just never really said anything..
Ahh..I just feel like I'm complaining now, but I think I need some help. I think there's something wrong, something mentally wrong with me. I don't want to sound melodramatic or anything, and I definitely don't think everyone's out to get me..I just think that my perception on reality is a little off.
I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, so I'll just stop.
1 comment:
1) You realize that if you EVER need to talk to me, I'm a phone call away and I can be at your place in like 10 minutes flat, yeah? Just wanted to get that out of the way...
2) I kinda know what you mean, the breaking down thing. I did that in lunch for a few weeks after the thing with A.
3) If you think you need help, or should be evaluated for anything, know that I will be there with you if you want/need me too. I'm here for you, and I always will be. Even in like 27 years when we're old and have like 456 cats running around...you call me if you need anything
4) Looks like CC is just us next week anyhow, so we can definatly talk up a storm about this if you need to. Or you could come chill in my seminar tomorrow if you're not busy. I know I'm not. :)
love,
addy
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