Bottoms up, those little yellow pills, and the burning fire...(Part 1)

Bottoms up.

That memory hit me hard this time. It's unexpected and the tears quickly build up to a Hollywood flood. Those scars start to hurt all over again, just when I thought they've healed. I stumbled into the kitchen...time for drastic measures. This always worked for mother...so it should work for me. It's warm...oh it's utterly disgusting. The bitter taste that consumes my mouth slowly works it's way down my throat, and I cringe. But oh wait...there's a warm feeling flowing through my body. Is this what relief is supposed to feel like? Can I keep this forever? Is that asking too much of the universe, just to let me have this moment for myself. Of course it is. But for now, while that liquid gold runs through my veins, I'll keep that smile that every one wants to see. Even shallow glee is better than deep depression.